Two Truths and a Lie
Lies. Let’s talk about them.
Our fears, our doubts, our worries, our insecurities, our incessant need to control everything, our need to look a certain way, or talk a certain way. Our need to be a certain type of mom or woman stems from a lie(s) that we believe to be true whether we put those expectations on ourselves or from society. The stories we make up affect how we show up in the world. There is a type of security and confidence in knowing who you are, what you believe, what you stand for and what you love. Living almost an entire life of pleasing people forces you to uncover all the lies you were told and causes you to ask yourself, “Do I really believe this or was I told this is what I should believe?” in every aspect of your life.
Are you really shy? Or were you told a good girl is quiet and only speaks when spoken to?
Are you really a girly girl? Or were you told that’s how a girl is supposed to dress?
Do you really want to be a mom if you haven’t had children yet ? Or do you think you are supposed to be a mom because “that’s what women do”?
Do you really enjoy motherhood as much as you present and say you do? Or Are you not allowed to feel like it’s fucking hard and sucks at times because that would mean you’re “ungrateful” when there are so many women who do want to be moms and can’t?
Some lies are silly and we know they aren’t true but it takes us a long time to unlearn and see the truth for ourselves. Other lies are deep. They’ve been handed down generation after generation. Some lies stem from actual trauma and events in our lives that showed us that a specific lie we believe now was in fact not a lie at all, it happened. It is “truth” but even those lies as shitty as the circumstance is, is just that, a circumstance. Something happened and it hurt us but does that mean that we need to live our lives in fear of that trauma happening again and again? That’s no way to live.
I am a mom and I have been a mom since I was twenty-one. While I haven’t written the whole series it’d be hard to say that there wouldn’t be a mom tone or talks about the struggle of motherhood throughout the series. If I do my job “right” it won’t matter if you’re a mom or not because you’re a woman. The lies that resonate with you just will. You’ll be able to see how they show up in your own life so you can find your truth. My hope is that whether you're a mom, want to be a mom, or just a woman who has had enough of the bullshit we’ve been fed our whole lives there will be something for you and you’ll feel less alone.
I need to have it all figured out before I start anything. [the lie]
That’s a lie I’ve held onto for a very long time. This whole series is in defiance of that very lie. I don’t have to be perfect and neither do you. I don’t have this all figured out. We just need to be willing to take one step forward at a time and when we go backward be easy on ourselves. [Full transparency, it has taken me 14 months to work past that lie and just jump.]
Let’s take this journey together and see where it goes.
You can submit your own lies to me through IG @officialalishamendez or email me at alisha@theexperthotmessmom.com